There's a theory around here, that when the only song you can think of sharing with the interwebs contains the refrain:
I am not safer than a bank, bitch.it's probably not the best time to post. But I like to think I'm a bit unpredictable so I'll say this much - I was thinking about my angels+couriers the other day, specifically (I know, you are as bored of me referencing QaF as I am referencing it) in relation to the idea of traditional relationships and roles within relationships.
I was thinking of all of this because I'm quite certain that although I am, admittedly, a die-hard soup-soppy romantic, the idea of a traditional, standard, insidework/outsidework (as one of my co-workers so perfectly put it yesterday) relationship kind of makes me nauseous. Now, it's a statement easily made when you are a girl of a certain age who lives alone with a bird. Today I was trying on glasses again and S-Jack (another work pal) says to me "But what pair would you want to wear if you were going on a date?"
to which I replied: "Okay, now you're just not even asking logical questions".
this date thing, it seems unlikely but I remembered today a story I was told once, while lying in bed on a snowy afternoon about a boy and an erotic massage studio and a first-time experience and then I realized that it is entirely possible that the experiences we expect are very rarely the ones we have.
I am not, however, certain how to orchestrate the ones we want, but that, my friends, is not exactly the point of this post.
A few days ago I read something, somewhere, about how straight women (I know, contrary to popular belief, and possibly, contrary to all of the QaF posts of late, and possibly contrary to what you expect, I do identify straight. In some ways, I admit to considering this a failing, but hell, sometimes you just have to dance with what brung ya, and so, this it it for me, kiddos) watched QaF because they found the feelings expressed within the show missing in other parts of popular culture.
and this is kind of what i was referencing in my other post -- I don't watch sitcoms. I can't handle the Man As Buffoon bullshit. Even Two and a Half men, and lord knows I love my Duckie Dale, really, in its centre puts Alan as the Wife Character and Charlie as the Bumbling Man, and even though they both have manbits, they so perfectly fit those prescribed, stereotyped roles, that it becomes offensive.
It's no great revelation to admit one is not interested in stereotypical roles, except - at one point or another I believe we all fall into them. We can say we won't, or aren't interested but one wave of the magic wand and blammo -
so. Riddle me this, how do we stay outside of them while still being included?
I'm not entirely sure.
In my wee Angel book, I have Griz and Betha, who are, to my mind (but not everyone's) a couple of straight-identified BFFs that just happen to have "romantic friendship", which might be, I suppose, some old-fashioned ideal, or, rather, some ideal not commonly found in western culture but found, in my experience, in queer culture.
Which is, I can determine, where the QaF appeal comes from. I do find it particularly interesting that I, as a self-identified Introvert find the freedom of affection/extroversion so appealing, except -
it's not really that surprising at all. Anyway. I was talking about something else. Oh, yes, Griz and Betha.
Who aren't lesbians. I had never intended them to be lesbians and yet the assumption (by some, not all) was that any two women/girls (they're young, they're girls in my head) with a certain level of physical closeness had to be gay.
and I find that really limiting. In the same book there's a twincest thing going on with Jakob and Nyx Watch that I actually find sweet+comforting, even though its expressed via a relationship model that isn't exactly going to get a lot of good press (and no, I am not a supporter of incest. Let's not go there, this is fiction. They are Not Human). I dunno. There's also the matter of the boy who falls in love with Nyx, which is just as sweet and as lovely to me as anything. But then, one of my favourite movies is Torch Song Trilogy. What's an afternoon without a tragic love story?
Anyway.. I wanted to say my couriers are the same way -- it's all boy/girl/boy and although I am certain that later there is some sort of a romance between two of the characters (boy/girl, the gay boy falls in love in the first book. Oh, look, I said first book. Please don't remind me that in order to have a second book you have to finish the first one. If I thought I could write, I'd be writing. Thanks. Lala. Backbrain/OFF) much later on in their personal development, in the beginning all that's shared between the three of them is this insane need for affection/closeness/expression that isn't even remotely sexual but does reflect an incredibly deep abiding love and need for intimacy that goes beyond the generally accepted levels of "close".
so, i repeat: non-traditional expression of affection that is often combined with a certain level of physicality. Something I actually think is crucial to human happiness and completely missing within our current culture, but, don't let me fool you into thinking I'm an anthropologist or something.
I'm just a girl with a macbook.
so that's what i've been thinking about, lately. I've been thinking about it in relation to me and how I fit (or possibly don't) in the world. How writing-as-expression can settle ideas down into the dirt that weren't there before, and how it is that we work out our own misery through art and that it's possible that when we are so bloody tired of our own-self relflection that the very idea of it makes us want to vomit:
we stop writing/creating/building, whatever.
Hell, I dunno. I wanted to talk about writing and QaF and I ended up talking about myself. But, in case you haven't noticed, I'm always talking about myself, here. Sometimes you just can't tell.
better question: is it bigger than a baby's arm?
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